This is actually the first time I've ever used a blog and I'm just trying it on, so to speak, trying to see if this "look" is right for me. I was told that I if I really wanted to build a career in writing these days, then I desperately needed to get a blog going. I'm rather proud of myself. I thought I was going to have to get a whole new website going and everything and that would be complicated because I already have one website that hardly gets any views. Well, that's me being cynical and it's not quite true. I've had enough views that I'm the second website pulled up when you do a two word search of the subject...which I'm not going to share right now because I'm still not sure how public this is, how many people might actually view it, etc. Hmmmm...do we need to be paranoid about the internet? That's a good title for a story and one that might actually sell...I might need to look into that . Right now, I'm using this blog as merely a vehicle for my stream of consciousness writing.
I used to be a writer. and I used to be a good one. In college, my professors always made me feel like they expected great things from me and I'm afraid that up to this point, I may have disappointed them. Right out of college, I didn't try to set the world on fire. I concentrated on rock climbing and yoga. Course, I'm in one of the hardest towns to find a job if you're looking to set the world on fire, but as it turned out, I was lucky. There was one firm that offered experience that would open doors in a direction I might actually end up walking and I was very fortunate to be able to get a job with them. Very fortunate, because otherwise, I'm not sure what I would have done. I had no real ideas and no money to help move me out of this fabulous little mountain town, yet I held out hope that something would materialize...and it did. malcolm gladwell would refer to my experience as opportunity intersecting with preperation. Of course, according to his Outliers book I need to log 10,000 hours before i become really, really good at what I do. I wonder where I am with that?
Anyway, that one job with a corporate entity turned into 7 years of valuable education that I got paid for. It also helped me clarify what I want and don't want. I don't want to work for anyone else. I don't want a boss. It doesn't suit me. At some point in my life I began to think of myself as more of a subcontractor with my jobs. i didn't believe my employers owned me...and it seems that most people think that they do, on a subconcious level, if no where else. i found this rankling. I found it stifling and something I couldn't live under. At my last employment, I worked directly for the CEO and didn't appreciate anyone else telling me what to do. I don't like being told what to do period. Tell me my objectives, tell me what's expected of me and I will get it done, but don't ask me to fetch your slippers or get your coffee, unless you plan to return the favor. We're equals after all, right? Fortunately for me, my employer felt similarly or realized that I would do a great job if you just stayed out of my way. Unfortunately, this also meant that he kind of dropped the ball on helping me develop, but at the same time it was good because I learned to develop myself during this time. this didn't always translate to me developing talents beneficial to the company, but it did help me a great deal. I focused a lot on self-improvement, and on yoga. I believe I needed to focus on these things at the time because I had a lot of healing, buiding and rebuilding to do after the life I had had. Now I feel like Humpty has actually been somewhat put back together again...and even improved. may sound vain, but maybe more like the Bionic Woman. I've been through so many transitions, burnings, etc. that I have often felt the universe picked up my battered remains at some point and said, "We can rebuild her, make her faster, stronger...kinder." And from there the universe set to pulling and pushing and molding to now I sit here trying to scrub the rust off of my writing muscles and set them to work for me. Then end for today.